In my 22 years of life, I could never figure out why I felt the way I did. Why in what should have been my happiest moments were the exact opposite. Day in and out I have fought with the inability to feel or share like I’d wish to. I have wondered why every new memory still came with a reminder of the past. I’ve merely tried to avoid new memories, thoughts and people to suppress the pain of just remembering. I have ran from confrontation, avoided any uncomfortable situation and tried to remain under the radar for as long as possible. But, I have realized that wasn’t the answer! That was never the answer. Running doesn’t solve your problems, and definitely doesn’t make them go away. So, I decided to face my problems head on; Get answers, Get Closure,and Gain peace of mind. ‘You are strong enough to face it all, Even if it doesn’t feel like it right now”
From what I am able to recall at the age of 5 I began being molested by a cousin; Tevrous Bomer. This continued up until the age of 8 when my family and I relocated to Arizona in 2004. During the time of this abuse I never tried to tell anyone, because as a child you believe you will be faced with consequences because to you its your fault. There is one occurrence that sticks with me the most because, looking back I know I was very strong. Being so young I know there was nothing I could have done,and that he definitely wasn’t going to stop on his own.Through it all I know I was strong.
82 Dairy street was our home at the time. On this day Tevrous was left to watch My siblings, my cousins, and I. I’m unsure where our parents were but, I know Tevrous was the one left in charge since he was the eldest. The day started off ordinary without any issues,us kids watched television and played outside. It was like any normal day, until it wasn’t. It was when I was running around with my cousins that I was grabbed and placed in a room for him to return to when everyone else had returned out doors. During this moment I remember just crying, balling my eyes out until I had an idea (Not Today). I ran to my bedroom and I locked the door. I then turned my radio all the way up.I could hear him banging on the door to get in, and yelling for me to open it. I sat there with my chair facing the door, I held onto one of my teddy bears and cried praying today would not be the day.For so long it seemed as if I had won, he wouldn’t get what he wanted. I began to hear the others voices, as I turned down the music. He began to try and use my siblings so that he could get what he wanted having them to ask me to open the door. As the tears strolled down my eyes I shook my head yelled NO and I turned my music back up. For a while I held my own, I was alone in a home full of people. No one knew my reason for locking myself in my room except him, and he wasn’t letting that stop him. He used a knife to unlock my door, turned down my music and he just stared at me. He stared at me with a different look on his face, a confused look and then walked away.That Day I won. That night he didn’t touch me. I am unsure if it is because he feared that I would tell or if he felt remorse. Either way that day I won because, I was strong.
At the age of 22 I have so many obstacles in my way all relating back to my molestation. Growing up I figured if I tried to forget it would all just go away. I know now that suppressing all these memories has done nothing but hinder my progress. November 2017 I reached out to my abuser whom is now in prison. I searched for him for weeks, gathering All the information that I could. I then sent him a letter hoping to gain some closure, and some answers. It took me 17 years to speak openly on my abuse, and to face my abuser. Just reaching out and writing that letter helped me feel better, as if a weight was lifted off of me. For so long I didn’t speak on things, Now that all that I want to do. I hope that me sharing My life, My stories, and My obstacles will help others speak freely on theirs.I want to Break the Silence!