Breaking The Silence

The Repeat Betrayal

In September of 2011, My birthday was only a month away I would be turning 16 on Halloween. My mother was away at work. My younger brother was outside at the park which left My stepfather (Drico )and me alone. He told me he wanted to talk with me and it had to stay between us. ” I want to give you head for your birthday”. I froze and stared at him. “Can I give you head for your birthday, I would rather you learn from me than anyone else.” I said no. “If it were any of those little boys you wouldn’t tell them no, would you?”, he said. “I want to be your first.”Aside from his abuse in power I learned that he too would betray me. Men supposed to love and protect me betrayed me. After an abusive childhood of molestation, Aldrick was supposed to be different but he wasn’t.

Earlier that year I had acted out searching for attention in a home where I wasn’t getting any. I met a friend online and began finding solace in him. It started off as something innocent, and soon turned into something more. At the time I was a virgin and had never had a boyfriend. At home I was alone, I felt alone. This guy was like me we talked about our issues and I thought I loved him. We eventually began exchanging pictures. At one point Aldrick went through my phone and found them. So as expected my phone was taken away and I was grounded. That didn’t bother me what happened afterwards did. Aldrick called a cop friend and had any pictures sent to  his email. He then saved them to his computer and later printed them off and saved them in a folder in his suitcase. I am unsure why he kept them as I’m supposed to be like his daughter. But, in  2015 I  did get hold to ones I had found  and burned them in my backyard.

Aldrick began printing the pictures off and using them as blackmail at one point. The doorbell rang, one of my brothers friends handed me a paper grinning “this is for you”. I opened up the paper to find a picture with a note that read ” I will tell everyone if you don’t meet me at the mat” I read it and placed it into my top drawer and went off to school paranoid. When I returned home Aldrick had my mother go into my room to get the note I received. Which helped me know it was him. Aldrick’s next trick was to tell my father. He sent the pictures to him through text.

After all of his mind tricks  Drico had put me through he ended up having  one more  major one  up his sleeve. I was asked to stay home from school 1 day so I did. I was told I would be put on birth control. My mother went off to work, which left me and him alone. Aldrick called me into the living room where I was made to sit and watch porn for hours. If I tried to leave the room he would push me back into the living room and hold me still. After his videos went off he asked me to get naked in front of him or he would post pictures all over my Facebook account. I said no, because I knew he could never get my password. He had been drinking that day, and everywhere I went he would follow me.”Let me see”. He cornered me into my room pushing against me until I fell on the bed. He laid on me with beer on his breath breathing down my neck. He held down my arms and pulled down my pants. He rubbed his hands across my pubic area and then looked at me. He said, ” If I wanted to I could take it, you know that”, ” and Don’t try running to your brother or your mama I told them I was doing this today”. He then looked at me smiled and walked out the room. I spent most of that day locked  in my room going over what had happened and almost did again..

Fast forward to September 2011 when he asked me to be his first. A few days prior we went to the park where he asked if I was still a virgin, which I was. He asked if I felt I was ready to lose my virginity, I told him I didn’t know. At the time The day he asked me to lose my virginity to him, he was so sure I was going to say yes. He smiled as he asked if he could be my first. When I told him no he began to get frustrated as if he didn’t comprehend why I was telling him no. After he’d calm down  he asked me to think about it, trying to be persuasive saying things like “I won’t hurt you, I love you” and ” I’ll go slow”.  As it grew time for my mother to come home he told me that we never had that conversation and I couldn’t tell anyone especially my mother. I tried avoiding my mother most of that day. I avoided her cause in my mind I was contemplating how I was going to tell her that the man she loved was a predator. So I  went outside to the park where I called my older brother. He is who I usually run to when I have a troubled mind. But thus day  I was scared half to death to talk to him. I  eventually told him what Drico had asked me. He said, I needed to tell my mother. Hesitant and scared of the results, I told her what he had requested from me.

While Aldrick was in the restroom I told my mother what he had asked. She cried and made me repeat myself. She banged on the restroom door and asked what he had told me. “Huh”, “what you talking bout?” He tried to stay in the restroom as long as he could. “Shes lying”, he exclaimed as he came out the restroom. “It was just a joke”, he said. My mother furious kicked him out the house. He looked at me and said, ” I don’t know why you told her that, you know that’s going to hurt her”. He then left with a packed bag.

” You can bring a horse to water but can’t make them drink”.  During that time I expected my mother to call the police start investigations,but she didn’t. Instead she let him come back. After the day that he returned I just tried to keep my distance. Love can make you do some strange things and I know my mother was blinded by love. I used to blame her for the things that he did, but it isn’t her fault. I always ask her 1 question though, ” Why” “Why did you bring him back?” She has never been able to answer that for me. Honestly, she doesn’t need to. I know that my mother feels for the things that occurred due to him. I answered things for myself a while ago; hope. The belief that the guy she loved wasn’t this evil man she had grown with. She wanted to remember him  the way he was when she met him, not as the man who tried to have sex with her 15-year-old daughter. When blinded by love people can tell you about all the negative but until you’re ready to see it for yourself it will never affect the way that  you view  someone or something.

Aside from me asking my mother why, we never really discussed it anymore. Sexual abuse in the Black community is something that occurs so often. Yet, when brought up the accusations are not discussed and rarely reported. It is more so frowned upon to discuss incest, molestation or abuse in the family. Black families; like my family would rather things such as these be forgotten or no longer spoken on. Secrets locked away to be forgotten. I am here to say these people, These stories, and these moments should not be forgotten. These stories being “forgotten” allows the predator to win, and be free. It allows them to do the same thing to someone else. They don’t deserve that. The victims don’t either. So, to abuse victims/survivors make them listen, open those locked closets and let out those secrets. Secrets like these aren’t meant to be kept. Telling could save someone else from being harmed as well. It’s time to make a change and   Break The Silence people!!!

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