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This was the message that I sent to my step father after he declined to meet with me to talk. I would have rather said everything in person but I wasn’t given the chance :
Before I say what I needed to say I gotta know why are you so small?I hated seeing you like that. That’s not the Drico that I know. So what’s going on? I know you probably won’t tell me but I hope you do.. If not I understand.
I Wanted to start by saying that I really do hope you’re taking care of yourself. But for a while I’ve been wanting to talk to you I was hoping you would accept my offer to talk in person. But since you didn’t I’ll accept writing to you. Whether you respond or not doesn’t matter as long as I say what I need to say.
When you first came into our lives we accepted you and loved you. I’m glad that I was fortunate enough to have some good memories with you in the beginning. Things were great. Unfortunately towards the end of you being in our family majority of the memories were bad, things that I wish I could forget. And those are things I wanted to talk with you about now. With all the things you’ve done I still care about u.
First and foremost I do want to say thankyou for trying to talk to me when you all found out about my past. For that I’m grateful you got me to open up and talk about the things that had been done to me. You taught me a few things like how to cook things which I didn’t know before. So thankyou for those things.
But of all the things that you did teach me you also taught me not to trust people. In the beginning of 09 you were a great guy one we all loved and didn’t mind being around. But, it seemed when you moved in with us all of that changed…. You switched like someone had turned a switch and you became a completely different person. One that I really don’t like. In case you don’t remember ill explain.
When first moving to Arizona you threatened to leave my mother after a dish was left in the sink to soak by me. Blaming me for being the reason that you were leaving. In my opinion that’s was very cowardly of you. If you wanted out you didn’t have to use us kids as an excuse to leave. Secondly, You made me sleep on the floor when I had a perfectly good bed because of your own insecurities and no I don’t feel that was right in any way. Moving forward over the years you and I weren’t close. None of us were really close with you, and no one is to blame but you.
You called Jarrett names and mentally abused him on the daily, that I didn’t like nor did he. The things you say affect the people you say them to. Both you and my mom are wrong because you shouldn’t have said it and she should have spoken up for Jarrett. I hope you treat your new family better than you did us.
You used to make us take cold showers only turning the hot water on for yourself or my mom that’s wrong. I dislike that you made us do things we didn’t want in order to even get shoes for school. That was a game to you but wasnt cool. I know how they feel but I can’t speak for moe and Jarrett they’ll have to tell you themselves but for me you ruined what we’re supposed to be some of the best times in my life.
I disliked how I was forced to walk 2 miles back and forth to school each day rain included. It was pouring and I asked granddaddy for a ride one day he brought me home and because of that I got in trouble. With 2 vehicles at the house I couldn’t even get a ride when mama was going that way anyways. That was ignorant on both of y’all. I don’t like that you opened all of my mail before giving it to me. I don’t like that you stole money given to me by my dad it wasn’t yours to keep. I don’t like that you tried to have me help you sale weed in order for me to get money. I asked if I could get a job y’all didn’t want me to have 1 of them either. Unsure why you were so difficult but it wasn’t the right way.
I understand in you being an ex marine you have ptsd. But, You having it and knowing that you do you need to get help. We watched you flip out too many times. Watching as you tore the house apart breaking anything you could. Then you would turn into a child. Going around the house with blood just everywhere looking as if it’s a murder scene. We as children shouldn’t have had to witness any of that. You up yelling until 3 am screaming at the top of your lungs something we shouldnt have to see. You threatening to kill us saying you wish that we were all dead isn’t something we should have to go through. Especially from someone who claims to love us as his own children. You having a problem doesn’t excuse your behavior especially if you aren’t trying to get the help that you need.
With all that was going on in the home I needed an outlet and I found it by talking to other people. That guy I sent the nude pictures to I know I shouldn’t have but at the time that was my outlet my way of asking for help but you and mama as parents were supposed to be there but weren’t. You all were too wrapped in your selves. It was wrong on my end im not saying my behavior was ok because it wasn’t. But I was pushed to go outside to find another outlet. Although I was wrong for taking the pictures the way you handles things was wrong. I know you downloaded and printed the pictures saving them in that folder. That was inappropriate of you as someone who was supposed to be my step father.
Another issue I have with you as a step father you crossed so many lines. You asking to give me head and for me to lose my virginity to you was inappropriate and sick. You know you were wrong because you tried to hide the fact that you asked me that to my mom. You forcing me to watch porn was so wrong on many levels. You trying to make me pull down my pants and touching me was wrong as well. You don’t deserve to have the step father title. My mama was wrong for marrying you, especially with knowing all the things that you did. With you knowing my past knowing that I was molested as a child why would you ruin me even more. As a man in my life, you being my step father you’re supposed to protect me not prey on me! You’re sick for that. In my eyes That makes you just as sick as the men having sex with children! You were wrong and I hope you know it. I want you to know it. On april 30 I will be posting a vlog telling my story I will be saying your name and telling all that you did. You as well as the 3 other men who hurt me. I don’t care how you feel about it. You made the decisions that you did so you have to live with the consequences to your actions. You always said man’s worst fear is being found out, I guess we will see on monday. My one question to you is why?, why did you do it?
In your message you stated I didn’t invite you to my graduation which it seemed was your reasoning for not wanting to meet with me. The last I heard you didn’t want anything to do with us. You didn’t even want us to come to Mississippi to visit our own mother. So no I didn’t invite you to my graduation that’s not something you deserve. People who were there for me were at my graduation and going away party before I went to the military. You never checked on us or anything so how you feel you were right to be at my graduation is beyond me.
Then the next time I did hear from you was after I messaged your friend cameo telling her the truth. And you got mad and refered to me as a “Skinny Bitch”. Yeah I heard that part too, and that you all felt I shouldn’t have spoken about that but I did. Y’all are married but that marriage involves me and my siblings as well because whatever you put her through you put us through too. I told my mother before I did it too. And I did it because I feel if you are Okay With moving on with your life having a new family you should be able to sign some papers to be divorced. She spent her money you didn’t have to Pay anything all you had to do was sign The papers but ignorantly of course you didn’t. Don’t you feel you’ve put our family through enough? You have moved on my mother deserves to be able to do the same.
Overall my point in writing you was to clear my chest of the pain which you have caused. I don’t know what happened to you over the years but whatever it was I pray you never turn into that guy again. I pray that in reading this you reflect over yourself from past to present and are able to become a better person in the future. I wrote you because for so many years I resented you I hated you. But in doing that I know I only hurt myself more. You were once a good man one that I was proud to call my step father, proud you were dating my mother back in 2009. I only wish you could find that guy and be him. That bitterness and evil ness that grew about you isn’t right nor healthy. You hurt people when you become bitter and if you hurt everyone who’s around you who loves you then you will end up by yourself. Some things you did i may never forget i wish i could though. And hopefully 1 day i will. But my point in writing you is to tell you that even with all that you have done I forgive you. I’m forgiving you for myself because holding on to the pain was killing me. I’m a completely different woman from the little girl you knew with a different mindset and personality. I have so many dreams that have been put on the back burner because i was trying to rebuild myself from being hurt in the past. I wish this life on no one. But i have grown so much as a person and found myself and my calling in the process i also found my voice. So, im going to say how i feel no matter what anyone has to say about it; including you. Seeing you the other day was hard because it brought back so many memories. Also because you look so sick, I don’t know what’s going on with you but you need to get yourself together! I’m speaking as your step daughter not as your friend. I care what happens to you even with how our past is.
I hope in reading this I receive a response or you at least understand. Read with the intention of understanding not to reply. You’re a very intelligent man why you chose to sale yourself short I don’t know but I hope you hear me! I hope you understand. And I do forgive you Drico and I hope you take this as criticism and use it to work on yourself. You overall aren’t a bad person you just make bad decisions. My suggestion is you think before you act and think about the consequences to your actions and how it can affect not only you but those around you as well. Its 2018 and in moving forward I hope you learn to forgive yourself as well as let go of whatever it is that turn you into such a cruel human being. You are more than the troubles you face. Instead of holding it in you need to let it out if not you will do nothing but continue to hurt yourself. Now I have said my peace. Have a good day!
After reading he replied two days later. He said to me…
“Dear Jade, I remember a very different story, however if you choose to do you then do it. I have no problems with you. Somebody really lied to you because I chose not to pursue. But, it’s okay I am a Christian, which means I am not perfect, So moving forward start whatever trouble you feel like you need to start. But always remember when you plotting revenge does 2.”
It was Short which in all honesty I didn’t expect to hear back from him at all and if I did I expected it to be bad. If you know drico then you know his mouth will cut you deeper than any physical wound could ever do. But, I didn’t get that this time and that both shocks & scares me. I don’t know where things will go from here, I just pray that they get better and not worse.
The Global Rape prevention organization stated, “We believe the key to ending the global rape epidemic is to empower both girls and boys to create a culture of mutual respect.” No Means No, was a mission set out to help decrease the high percentage of rape. Colleges used the slogan and most have changed it to be Yes means Yes. I’m on the fence about both of these to be honest, both to me won’t prevent all rapes from happening. Isn’t the point in a movement to make a change?Trying to decrease the high percentage of rapes is a good start but to me it isn’t enough, the goal should be to seize them all together. Ultimately No means No and Yes means Yes will not do it.
I may get people looking at me side ways for this but, Question How many times have you told someone No and they didn’t listen? How many times have you told your son, daughter little sister brother or anyone in general and they still did or took what you said after you said not to? No means No is a great campaign but No alone won’t stop everyone. Some people have gone their entire lives getting anything they have ever wanted from family, friends maybe even the public. My point is everyone won’t grasp the concept of No especially if it’s not what they are used to. Does that give them the right to rape No of course not but No alone will not work. If the word “No” worked there wouldn’t be a high percentage of rape because the word No alone would prevent the act from happening.
I say this because I know first hand that saying no doesn’t save you. In my childhood I have said no and the molestation still occurred. In my Adulthood I have also been a victim. I’ve only discussed this with 2 people a very close friend and the person who did it. Discussing it with him I don’t believe he really grasped the concept of what he did to me. November 30, 2017 a date I’ll never forget. A guy I had been dating took me out to eat, afterwards we went back to a spot that we often hung out at to be secluded from everyone else. We had sexual encounters here before but not always. This day I just wanted to eat and go home. I was tired and wasn’t feeling well and was just ready to leave. He overly insisted on me staying. We were talking having a regular conversation and he got aroused, I’m unsure if he had been drinking or not but he was very aggressive that day. He had become overly excited and aggressive. It had only been 4 days since we last had sex, 4!!! He began trying to pull at my leggings as I tried to leave. I was pushing him off of me, but that didn’t work. He pulled my leggings down, I’d pull them up. I said no, several times. He laughed. I was serious in these moments, it was all as if it were a game to him. It seemed to get him off even more because he got more aggressive. He took over, managed to get them down, at this point I said no with his name. He ignored. Tears filled up my eyes and I sucked it up, just kept thinking it won’t take long. He turned me so that I faced the desk, I stared at the wall. He penetrated me, His hand sitting firmly in the middle of my back. He talked during, which was a usual thing for him. But, this time was different. He was more aggressive and very forceful. Staring at the wall I got to thinking about my childhood. Yet again I had come to face what seemed to be the inevitable for me. Another man in my life, hurting me. After finishing I sat in the chair before cleaning myself up, he seemed kind of happy to have released himself though. But me, I was sad, confused and all I wanted to do was go.
After the incident I didn’t know what to do honestly so many thoughts filled my head. Who can I talk to? Where can I go? I went to a close friend’s house and didn’t’ say anything for a while I sat trying to pretend everything was okay. But, he could see on my face that something was bothering me. Apparently, my mouth does this twitchy thing when I’m troubled. So, I went to my notepad in my phone and wrote out what had happened, because I couldn’t say it. We sat there crying together his more fueled by rage and not being able to defend me. The only thing I kept repeating was ” I told him no, and he didn’t listen.” He asked if he knew what he actually did, my answer was I don’t know. I learned later that week that he knew something was off. In a conversation via text he said that during intercourse he could feel that I was tighter than usual and I wasn’t as aroused, he could feel the difference. He also said, he could see on my face that something was wrong and when I sat in the chair I sat down as if it were a chore that I had just completed, but he didn’t say anything. He waited for me to. come to him and even then I don’t think he grasped the seriousness of that incident. From that day on I have been distant with him and we don’t or haven’t really discussed what went on. The thing that bothered me the most after the incident is that I still loved this person who took advantage of me. I wanted to be able to instantly stop loving him, I wanted to hate him but I couldn’t. That night He took away my power, and most importantly he didn’t listen when I said no and No was reiterated more than once. I said no along with his name and that didn’t work. I fought with him to keep my clothes up and that didn’t work. That moment took me back to my childhood. I sunk that night, I waited for it to be over, waited to go home. That night I held back tears.I try not to let to those incidents linger in my mind but the truth is they will. Saying No, didn’t save me and I repeated it over and over. In 2016, the total number of rape cases stood at about 96,000. Of those 96,000 how many of them do you think said no? Think about it, if someone is trying to take something you say no. 96,000 people’s voice didn’t stop them from being victims. No, won’t save everyone from being taken advantage of, Saying No alone won’t prevent rapes, Saying No just won’t cut it.
Yes means Yes is basically a firm form of consent to sex. This is similar to No means No but is better to me to a certain extent. Yet, ultimately I still believe it isn’t effective enough. This is a great campaign in college as students are known to drink, and party. This gives you the option to say yes I want to have sex with you, which is fine. But my question is what happens if you change your mind? If you give full consent in the beginning but you change your mind half way through what happens? We have seen that the word No isn’t firm enough to make everyone less horny or less aggressive, so what do you do? There’s alcohol in play and you have already consented to sex, you then chang your mind and say no. Some people will stop. But, that guy or that girl who has alcohol in their system, They’ve been partying, they’re aroused and ready at your go ahead. So, you tell them no stop, but they’ve been drinking and become aggressive. What do you do? Everyone changes their mind about something at some point so what do you do when you already said yes and now you mean No?
Sex isn’t a complicated matter. I believe a No should be firm enough to mean No. But, As a society what do we do when it isn’t. I have told you my story. In 2016, just 2 years ago 96,000 people had 1 just like mine. We said no and no one listened. No means No was a great start but, it won’t end rape. Neither will Yes means Yes because we are consenting to have intercourse and even if we change our mind that doesn’t guarantee the person will stop. If you ask me, you’re consenting to your own rape. Maybe I am wrong. But, 1 thing I know for sure is that Words alone won’t stop rape. Words alone don’t stop a thief from stealing out of a store, so how can we expect a rapist; someone who is driven by sex mentally and physically to Stop when we say No?