Wake up, world topics

With Scoliosis comes Strength!

“Our spines can’t define us, no matter what degree it’s at”. Often times I don’t think people realize how fortunate they are. People joke about scoliosis but unless you suffer from scoliosis you can’t grasp how severe the pain of Scoliosis can actually be. I’ve always had back pain and for so long no one could tell me why. I tried physical therapy, pain medications, back braces, back  massages but at the end of the day I was still always in pain. Pain so severe that for a while I didn’t sleep because I couldn’t. For me my scoliosis is only minor compared to many others I was fortunate enough not to have to have surgery to correct the curve that’s in my spine.

I hear people mentioning Scoliosis on songs and in jokes but scoliosis is more than just having a curved spine. Scoliosis can be walking with a limp because one of your hips is higher than the other. Scoliosis can be not being able to stand up straight or like me trying to use correct posture but you can’t and it only hurts you more. Scoliosis can be having to sleep with a pillow between your legs to take the stress off of your back while you sleep. Scoliosis can be not being able to stand, sit or lie down for long periods of time.

For me Scoliosis is a hassle to live with on a daily basis. There are treatment options,but there is no cure. Some days I wake up and I am fine. Yet, other days I wake up with my back muscles aching, so bad that often times it hurts to stretch. Having to sit for long periods of time or stand for long periods of time is something that I just can’t do so I switch in between them both to limit the strain I put on my back.

The last I checked which was a few years ago the degree of my Scoliosis was only at 20%. I have a C shaped curve in my spine, which curves to the left at the top of my spine near my shoulder blades. So, most of my pain is felt on the upper right portion of my back as it’s pulling. 1 of my hips is slightly higher than the other, but you wouldn’t know unless I told you. So when walking or standing I do walk on my tip toes. The least effective treatment for me was physical therapy as I’d come in pain and leave in even more pain having to be iced down each time before I left. I did the exercises the stretches but the pain never stopped. When it came to taking pain medication the medications either suppressed some of the pain for a moment or did nothing at all. So, on most days I am in pain.

Now my case is only 1 of many. My case is also minor compared to some of the people with this diagnosis. My C curve is only in one portion of my spine. There are people out there with a S-shaped curve which is exactly what it sounds like a S-shaped curve in their spine. These more severe cases of scoliosis results in the person(s) having to get surgery so that they can be able to do normal activities like; walking. There are people who can’t take off their brace as it’s what’s helping them stand up correctly. My scoliosis is only minor compared to some of the cases out there but the pain I endure is devastating. If my 20 degree Curve can cause that much pain imagine what someone at 30 or 50 or 100% goes through on a daily basis.

Scoliosis isn’t a topic that gets discussed on the regular but it should. As there are people out there unable to enjoy their daily lives because of their condition. People take the simple things for granted everyday like being able walk, run stand up straight and just enjoy their life without any worries. There are some people who have never gotten the chance to do “the simple things” because their scoliosis hinders them from being able to do so. So, the next time you hear someone making fun of someone for having scoliosis ask them how often do they wake up in pain? How often are they unable to sleep because there back is having a spasm? How often do they have too stop doing an activity because the pain becomes too severe? People with Scoliosis fight a physical battle everyday with their own body do you? Or the next time you see someone who looks a little different because they walk with a limp or are hunched over due to a curve in their spine don’t hassle them or give them a hard time. We have a lot that we already deal with on a daily basis don’t add to it.

To anyone suffering from Scoliosis you are not alone and no matter how the world may perceive you, you are strong. The curve of your spine does not deter you, it’s merely another obstacle to conquer. You defeat odds everyday by being 1 in a every 40 in the fight against Scoliosis. You still being here another day says your strength can not be matched, and you win because you made it through yesterday! You endured and conquered! I hope one-day we can say my Scoliosis is gone. June is Scoliosis awareness month so, Help me in raising awareness to scoliosis!

world topics

A woman and her health

” Taking joy in living is a woman’s best cosmetic!” Often as women we tend to take on so many different tasks. In the process of taking on everything and trying to be super woman or super mom for some, we often neglect to take care of our-self. This week is Women’s Health Week and Although it’s almost over its never too late to take time out for yourself and make sure you are indeed healthy. I understand that most women have so many people dependent on them, but if You’re always taking care of everyone else who takes Care of you? Roles can always reverse and it doesn’t take much. So, It’s time that you took care of you.

“Take care of your body and it will take care of you.” Something I’ve had to learn all to well. Most days I’m putting myself in overdrive just so that I make it through. I’m the Getting minimal amount of sleep and often times skipping at least one important meal. We get to the point where we get it in our mind that no matter what we’ve got to push through, and so that’s what we do. This works until we have over worked our selves to the point that our body can’t take it. Our bodies begin to slowly shutdown and go into defense mode. This can happen in many ways. It could start off by being sick; maybe with a cold. Your body could ache from the constant stress that’s been placed on it. Lets not forget Fatigue! My point is that we need to take care of our bodies. Our body is what helps us to get through. Taking care of ourselves ensures that we can push on , push through that extra hour, or that extra day. Go to bed earlier, take that nap, pack a lunch. Rest your body and replenish yourself with healthy nutrients so that you have that extra strength to make it through.

As women, we have so much to live up to. There are women with children who are expected to be fantastic mothers all the time. Women are expected to hold a job, care for the children, take care of home and still keep themselves up in the process.A lot is pushed on us because we are women, and we manage to take it all on no matter what obstacles are placed in our way. So, to my women I want to say that you are strong! women are so underestimated, we do so much. We are very important people. In the words of Beyoncé “Girls Run the world!” We as women push our men further when they are on the verge of giving up. We as women birth children and raise them up as young queens and young kings hoping that they take with them the lessons we instilled in them. As women we work until we are tired and then work even harder because if we didn’t do it who else would?

Mentally we turn off that voice within us that’s telling us we need to rest. Mentally we push away all those helpless thoughts because we have so many things to do and to us we are the only ones to get the job done. Being in the right state of mind is also so very helpful in remaining healthy. If your mind is in overload your body will be too because it’s having to work extra hard. There are days where I want to give up, pack up and disappear but I know in doing that when I return the problems will still be here waiting on me. So, when mentally I become tired I pray, I rest and I have most recently started to do yoga and meditation. Taking 10 minutes out of my day and just taking some deep breaths or stretching my body helps put me in the right state of mind so that I am not mentally overwhelmed by everything going on around me.

I know as women it seems everything will fall apart if we don’t take care of everything. But, to take on the world we have to take care of ourselves first. Start off making sure you get enough rest, getting the right amount of nutrients in your body, and taking a break. Things will not fall apart if you take 10 minutes to yourself everyday. Go to the doctor for your annual check ups to ensure you’re in tip-top shape. If you’re feeling under the weather don’t ignore the signs, listen to your body. Your body is your temple and it lets you know when something is wrong. All you have to do is listen. To ALL the super women out there trying to take care of everyone and every thing please take care of yourself first. When was the last time you had a day just for You ?

Breaking The Silence

Letter to my Step Father

This was the message that I sent to my step father after he declined to meet with me to talk. I would have rather said everything in person but I wasn’t given the chance :

Drico,

Before I say what I needed to say I gotta know why are you so small?I hated seeing you like that. That’s not the Drico that I know. So what’s going on? I know you probably won’t tell me but I hope you do.. If not I understand.

I Wanted to start by saying that I really do hope you’re taking care of yourself. But for a while I’ve been wanting to talk to you I was hoping you would accept my offer to talk in person. But since you didn’t I’ll accept writing to you. Whether you respond or not doesn’t matter as long as I say what I need to say.

When you first came into our lives we accepted you and loved you. I’m glad that I was fortunate enough to have some good memories with you in the beginning. Things were great. Unfortunately towards the end of you being in our family majority of the memories were bad, things that I wish I could forget. And those are things I wanted to talk with you about now. With all the things you’ve done I still care about u.

First and foremost I do want to say thankyou for trying to talk to me when you all found out about my past. For that I’m grateful you got me to open up and talk about the things that had been done to me. You taught me a few things like how to cook things which I didn’t know before. So thankyou for those things.

But of all the things that you did teach me you also taught me not to trust people. In the beginning of 09 you were a great guy one we all loved and didn’t mind being around. But, it seemed when you moved in with us all of that changed…. You switched like someone had turned a switch and you became a completely different person. One that I really don’t like. In case you don’t remember ill explain.

When first moving to Arizona you threatened to leave my mother after a dish was left in the sink to soak by me. Blaming me for being the reason that you were leaving. In my opinion that’s was very cowardly of you. If you wanted out you didn’t have to use us kids as an excuse to leave. Secondly, You made me sleep on the floor when I had a perfectly good bed because of your own insecurities and no I don’t feel that was right in any way. Moving forward over the years you and I weren’t close. None of us were really close with you, and no one is to blame but you.
You called Jarrett names and mentally abused him on the daily, that I didn’t like nor did he. The things you say affect the people you say them to. Both you and my mom are wrong because you shouldn’t have said it and she should have spoken up for Jarrett. I hope you treat your new family better than you did us.

You used to make us take cold showers only turning the hot water on for yourself or my mom that’s wrong. I dislike that you made us do things we didn’t want in order to even get shoes for school. That was a game to you but wasnt cool. I know how they feel but I can’t speak for moe and Jarrett they’ll have to tell you themselves but for me you ruined what we’re supposed to be some of the best times in my life.

I disliked how I was forced to walk 2 miles back and forth to school each day rain included. It was pouring and I asked granddaddy for a ride one day he brought me home and because of that I got in trouble. With 2 vehicles at the house I couldn’t even get a ride when mama was going that way anyways. That was ignorant on both of y’all. I don’t like that you opened all of my mail before giving it to me. I don’t like that you stole money given to me by my dad it wasn’t yours to keep. I don’t like that you tried to have me help you sale weed in order for me to get money. I asked if I could get a job y’all didn’t want me to have 1 of them either. Unsure why you were so difficult but it wasn’t the right way.

I understand in you being an ex marine you have ptsd. But, You having it and knowing that you do you need to get help. We watched you flip out too many times. Watching as you tore the house apart breaking anything you could. Then you would turn into a child. Going around the house with blood just everywhere looking as if it’s a murder scene. We as children shouldn’t have had to witness any of that. You up yelling until 3 am screaming at the top of your lungs something we shouldnt have to see. You threatening to kill us saying you wish that we were all dead isn’t something we should have to go through. Especially from someone who claims to love us as his own children. You having a problem doesn’t excuse your behavior especially if you aren’t trying to get the help that you need.

With all that was going on in the home I needed an outlet and I found it by talking to other people. That guy I sent the nude pictures to I know I shouldn’t have but at the time that was my outlet my way of asking for help but you and mama as parents were supposed to be there but weren’t. You all were too wrapped in your selves. It was wrong on my end im not saying my behavior was ok because it wasn’t. But I was pushed to go outside to find another outlet. Although I was wrong for taking the pictures the way you handles things was wrong. I know you downloaded and printed the pictures saving them in that folder. That was inappropriate of you as someone who was supposed to be my step father.

Another issue I have with you as a step father you crossed so many lines. You asking to give me head and for me to lose my virginity to you was inappropriate and sick. You know you were wrong because you tried to hide the fact that you asked me that to my mom. You forcing me to watch porn was so wrong on many levels. You trying to make me pull down my pants and touching me was wrong as well. You don’t deserve to have the step father title. My mama was wrong for marrying you, especially with knowing all the things that you did. With you knowing my past knowing that I was molested as a child why would you ruin me even more. As a man in my life, you being my step father you’re supposed to protect me not prey on me! You’re sick for that. In my eyes That makes you just as sick as the men having sex with children! You were wrong and I hope you know it. I want you to know it. On april 30 I will be posting a vlog telling my story I will be saying your name and telling all that you did. You as well as the 3 other men who hurt me. I don’t care how you feel about it. You made the decisions that you did so you have to live with the consequences to your actions. You always said man’s worst fear is being found out, I guess we will see on monday. My one question to you is why?, why did you do it?

In your message you stated I didn’t invite you to my graduation which it seemed was your reasoning for not wanting to meet with me. The last I heard you didn’t want anything to do with us. You didn’t even want us to come to Mississippi to visit our own mother. So no I didn’t invite you to my graduation that’s not something you deserve. People who were there for me were at my graduation and going away party before I went to the military. You never checked on us or anything so how you feel you were right to be at my graduation is beyond me.

Then the next time I did hear from you was after I messaged your friend cameo telling her the truth. And you got mad and refered to me as a “Skinny Bitch”. Yeah I heard that part too, and that you all felt I shouldn’t have spoken about that but I did. Y’all are married but that marriage involves me and my siblings as well because whatever you put her through you put us through too. I told my mother before I did it too. And I did it because I feel if you are Okay With moving on with your life having a new family you should be able to sign some papers to be divorced. She spent her money you didn’t have to Pay anything all you had to do was sign The papers but ignorantly of course you didn’t. Don’t you feel you’ve put our family through enough? You have moved on my mother deserves to be able to do the same.

Overall my point in writing you was to clear my chest of the pain which you have caused. I don’t know what happened to you over the years but whatever it was I pray you never turn into that guy again. I pray that in reading this you reflect over yourself from past to present and are able to become a better person in the future. I wrote you because for so many years I resented you I hated you. But in doing that I know I only hurt myself more. You were once a good man one that I was proud to call my step father, proud you were dating my mother back in 2009. I only wish you could find that guy and be him. That bitterness and evil ness that grew about you isn’t right nor healthy. You hurt people when you become bitter and if you hurt everyone who’s around you who loves you then you will end up by yourself. Some things you did i may never forget i wish i could though. And hopefully 1 day i will. But my point in writing you is to tell you that even with all that you have done I forgive you. I’m forgiving you for myself because holding on to the pain was killing me. I’m a completely different woman from the little girl you knew with a different mindset and personality. I have so many dreams that have been put on the back burner because i was trying to rebuild myself from being hurt in the past. I wish this life on no one. But i have grown so much as a person and found myself and my calling in the process i also found my voice. So, im going to say how i feel no matter what anyone has to say about it; including you. Seeing you the other day was hard because it brought back so many memories. Also because you look so sick, I don’t know what’s going on with you but you need to get yourself together! I’m speaking as your step daughter not as your friend. I care what happens to you even with how our past is.

I hope in reading this I receive a response or you at least understand. Read with the intention of understanding not to reply. You’re a very intelligent man why you chose to sale yourself short I don’t know but I hope you hear me! I hope you understand. And I do forgive you Drico and I hope you take this as criticism and use it to work on yourself. You overall aren’t a bad person you just make bad decisions. My suggestion is you think before you act and think about the consequences to your actions and how it can affect not only you but those around you as well. Its 2018 and in moving forward I hope you learn to forgive yourself as well as let go of whatever it is that turn you into such a cruel human being. You are more than the troubles you face. Instead of holding it in you need to let it out if not you will do nothing but continue to hurt yourself. Now I have said my peace. Have a good day!

-Jade

After reading he replied two days later. He said to me…

“Dear Jade, I remember a very different story, however if you choose to do you then do it. I have no problems with you. Somebody really lied to you because I chose not to pursue. But, it’s okay I am a Christian, which means I am not perfect, So moving forward start whatever trouble you feel like you need to start. But always remember when you plotting revenge does 2.”

It was Short which in all honesty I didn’t expect to hear back from him at all and if I did I expected it to be bad. If you know drico then you know his mouth will cut you deeper than any physical wound could ever do. But, I didn’t get that this time and that both shocks & scares me. I don’t know where things will go from here, I just pray that they get better and not worse.