Breaking The Silence

Letter to my Step Father

This was the message that I sent to my step father after he declined to meet with me to talk. I would have rather said everything in person but I wasn’t given the chance :

Drico,

Before I say what I needed to say I gotta know why are you so small?I hated seeing you like that. That’s not the Drico that I know. So what’s going on? I know you probably won’t tell me but I hope you do.. If not I understand.

I Wanted to start by saying that I really do hope you’re taking care of yourself. But for a while I’ve been wanting to talk to you I was hoping you would accept my offer to talk in person. But since you didn’t I’ll accept writing to you. Whether you respond or not doesn’t matter as long as I say what I need to say.

When you first came into our lives we accepted you and loved you. I’m glad that I was fortunate enough to have some good memories with you in the beginning. Things were great. Unfortunately towards the end of you being in our family majority of the memories were bad, things that I wish I could forget. And those are things I wanted to talk with you about now. With all the things you’ve done I still care about u.

First and foremost I do want to say thankyou for trying to talk to me when you all found out about my past. For that I’m grateful you got me to open up and talk about the things that had been done to me. You taught me a few things like how to cook things which I didn’t know before. So thankyou for those things.

But of all the things that you did teach me you also taught me not to trust people. In the beginning of 09 you were a great guy one we all loved and didn’t mind being around. But, it seemed when you moved in with us all of that changed…. You switched like someone had turned a switch and you became a completely different person. One that I really don’t like. In case you don’t remember ill explain.

When first moving to Arizona you threatened to leave my mother after a dish was left in the sink to soak by me. Blaming me for being the reason that you were leaving. In my opinion that’s was very cowardly of you. If you wanted out you didn’t have to use us kids as an excuse to leave. Secondly, You made me sleep on the floor when I had a perfectly good bed because of your own insecurities and no I don’t feel that was right in any way. Moving forward over the years you and I weren’t close. None of us were really close with you, and no one is to blame but you.
You called Jarrett names and mentally abused him on the daily, that I didn’t like nor did he. The things you say affect the people you say them to. Both you and my mom are wrong because you shouldn’t have said it and she should have spoken up for Jarrett. I hope you treat your new family better than you did us.

You used to make us take cold showers only turning the hot water on for yourself or my mom that’s wrong. I dislike that you made us do things we didn’t want in order to even get shoes for school. That was a game to you but wasnt cool. I know how they feel but I can’t speak for moe and Jarrett they’ll have to tell you themselves but for me you ruined what we’re supposed to be some of the best times in my life.

I disliked how I was forced to walk 2 miles back and forth to school each day rain included. It was pouring and I asked granddaddy for a ride one day he brought me home and because of that I got in trouble. With 2 vehicles at the house I couldn’t even get a ride when mama was going that way anyways. That was ignorant on both of y’all. I don’t like that you opened all of my mail before giving it to me. I don’t like that you stole money given to me by my dad it wasn’t yours to keep. I don’t like that you tried to have me help you sale weed in order for me to get money. I asked if I could get a job y’all didn’t want me to have 1 of them either. Unsure why you were so difficult but it wasn’t the right way.

I understand in you being an ex marine you have ptsd. But, You having it and knowing that you do you need to get help. We watched you flip out too many times. Watching as you tore the house apart breaking anything you could. Then you would turn into a child. Going around the house with blood just everywhere looking as if it’s a murder scene. We as children shouldn’t have had to witness any of that. You up yelling until 3 am screaming at the top of your lungs something we shouldnt have to see. You threatening to kill us saying you wish that we were all dead isn’t something we should have to go through. Especially from someone who claims to love us as his own children. You having a problem doesn’t excuse your behavior especially if you aren’t trying to get the help that you need.

With all that was going on in the home I needed an outlet and I found it by talking to other people. That guy I sent the nude pictures to I know I shouldn’t have but at the time that was my outlet my way of asking for help but you and mama as parents were supposed to be there but weren’t. You all were too wrapped in your selves. It was wrong on my end im not saying my behavior was ok because it wasn’t. But I was pushed to go outside to find another outlet. Although I was wrong for taking the pictures the way you handles things was wrong. I know you downloaded and printed the pictures saving them in that folder. That was inappropriate of you as someone who was supposed to be my step father.

Another issue I have with you as a step father you crossed so many lines. You asking to give me head and for me to lose my virginity to you was inappropriate and sick. You know you were wrong because you tried to hide the fact that you asked me that to my mom. You forcing me to watch porn was so wrong on many levels. You trying to make me pull down my pants and touching me was wrong as well. You don’t deserve to have the step father title. My mama was wrong for marrying you, especially with knowing all the things that you did. With you knowing my past knowing that I was molested as a child why would you ruin me even more. As a man in my life, you being my step father you’re supposed to protect me not prey on me! You’re sick for that. In my eyes That makes you just as sick as the men having sex with children! You were wrong and I hope you know it. I want you to know it. On april 30 I will be posting a vlog telling my story I will be saying your name and telling all that you did. You as well as the 3 other men who hurt me. I don’t care how you feel about it. You made the decisions that you did so you have to live with the consequences to your actions. You always said man’s worst fear is being found out, I guess we will see on monday. My one question to you is why?, why did you do it?

In your message you stated I didn’t invite you to my graduation which it seemed was your reasoning for not wanting to meet with me. The last I heard you didn’t want anything to do with us. You didn’t even want us to come to Mississippi to visit our own mother. So no I didn’t invite you to my graduation that’s not something you deserve. People who were there for me were at my graduation and going away party before I went to the military. You never checked on us or anything so how you feel you were right to be at my graduation is beyond me.

Then the next time I did hear from you was after I messaged your friend cameo telling her the truth. And you got mad and refered to me as a “Skinny Bitch”. Yeah I heard that part too, and that you all felt I shouldn’t have spoken about that but I did. Y’all are married but that marriage involves me and my siblings as well because whatever you put her through you put us through too. I told my mother before I did it too. And I did it because I feel if you are Okay With moving on with your life having a new family you should be able to sign some papers to be divorced. She spent her money you didn’t have to Pay anything all you had to do was sign The papers but ignorantly of course you didn’t. Don’t you feel you’ve put our family through enough? You have moved on my mother deserves to be able to do the same.

Overall my point in writing you was to clear my chest of the pain which you have caused. I don’t know what happened to you over the years but whatever it was I pray you never turn into that guy again. I pray that in reading this you reflect over yourself from past to present and are able to become a better person in the future. I wrote you because for so many years I resented you I hated you. But in doing that I know I only hurt myself more. You were once a good man one that I was proud to call my step father, proud you were dating my mother back in 2009. I only wish you could find that guy and be him. That bitterness and evil ness that grew about you isn’t right nor healthy. You hurt people when you become bitter and if you hurt everyone who’s around you who loves you then you will end up by yourself. Some things you did i may never forget i wish i could though. And hopefully 1 day i will. But my point in writing you is to tell you that even with all that you have done I forgive you. I’m forgiving you for myself because holding on to the pain was killing me. I’m a completely different woman from the little girl you knew with a different mindset and personality. I have so many dreams that have been put on the back burner because i was trying to rebuild myself from being hurt in the past. I wish this life on no one. But i have grown so much as a person and found myself and my calling in the process i also found my voice. So, im going to say how i feel no matter what anyone has to say about it; including you. Seeing you the other day was hard because it brought back so many memories. Also because you look so sick, I don’t know what’s going on with you but you need to get yourself together! I’m speaking as your step daughter not as your friend. I care what happens to you even with how our past is.

I hope in reading this I receive a response or you at least understand. Read with the intention of understanding not to reply. You’re a very intelligent man why you chose to sale yourself short I don’t know but I hope you hear me! I hope you understand. And I do forgive you Drico and I hope you take this as criticism and use it to work on yourself. You overall aren’t a bad person you just make bad decisions. My suggestion is you think before you act and think about the consequences to your actions and how it can affect not only you but those around you as well. Its 2018 and in moving forward I hope you learn to forgive yourself as well as let go of whatever it is that turn you into such a cruel human being. You are more than the troubles you face. Instead of holding it in you need to let it out if not you will do nothing but continue to hurt yourself. Now I have said my peace. Have a good day!

-Jade

After reading he replied two days later. He said to me…

“Dear Jade, I remember a very different story, however if you choose to do you then do it. I have no problems with you. Somebody really lied to you because I chose not to pursue. But, it’s okay I am a Christian, which means I am not perfect, So moving forward start whatever trouble you feel like you need to start. But always remember when you plotting revenge does 2.”

It was Short which in all honesty I didn’t expect to hear back from him at all and if I did I expected it to be bad. If you know drico then you know his mouth will cut you deeper than any physical wound could ever do. But, I didn’t get that this time and that both shocks & scares me. I don’t know where things will go from here, I just pray that they get better and not worse.

Breaking The Silence, Wake up

No means No?

The Global Rape prevention organization stated, “We believe the key to ending the global rape epidemic is to empower both girls and boys to create a culture of mutual respect.” No Means No, was a mission set out to help decrease the high percentage of rape. Colleges used the slogan and most have changed it to be Yes means Yes. I’m on the fence about both of these to be honest, both to me won’t prevent all rapes from happening. Isn’t the point in a movement to make a change?Trying to decrease the high percentage of rapes is a good start but to me it isn’t enough, the goal should be to seize them all together. Ultimately No means No and Yes means Yes will not do it.

I may get people looking at me side ways for this but, Question How many times have you told someone No and they didn’t listen? How many times have you told your son, daughter little sister brother or anyone in general and they still did or took what you said after you said not to? No means No is a great campaign but No alone won’t stop everyone. Some people have gone their entire lives getting anything they have ever wanted from family, friends maybe even the public. My point is everyone won’t grasp the concept of No especially if it’s not what they are used to. Does that give them the right to rape No of course not but No alone will not work. If the word “No” worked there wouldn’t be a high percentage of rape because the word No alone would prevent the act from happening.

I say this because I know first hand that saying no doesn’t save you. In my childhood I have said no and the molestation still occurred. In my Adulthood I have also been a victim. I’ve only discussed this with 2 people a very close friend and the person who did it. Discussing it with him I don’t believe he really grasped the concept of what he did to me. November 30, 2017 a date I’ll never forget. A guy I had been dating took me out to eat, afterwards we went back to a spot that we often hung out at to be secluded from everyone else. We had sexual encounters here before but not always. This day I just wanted to eat and go home. I was tired and wasn’t feeling well and was just ready to leave. He overly insisted on me staying. We were talking having a regular conversation and he got aroused, I’m unsure if he had been drinking or not but he was very aggressive that day. He had become overly excited and aggressive. It had only been 4 days since we last had sex, 4!!! He began trying to pull at my leggings as I tried to leave. I was pushing him off of me, but that didn’t work. He pulled my leggings down, I’d pull them up. I said no, several times. He laughed. I was serious in these moments, it was all as if it were a game to him. It seemed to get him off even more because he got more aggressive. He took over, managed to get them down, at this point I said no with his name. He ignored. Tears filled up my eyes and I sucked it up, just kept thinking it won’t take long. He turned me so that I faced the desk, I stared at the wall. He penetrated me, His hand sitting firmly in the middle of my back. He talked during, which was a usual thing for him. But, this time was different. He was more aggressive and very forceful. Staring at the wall I got to thinking about my childhood. Yet again I had come to face what seemed to be the inevitable for me. Another man in my life, hurting me. After finishing I sat in the chair before cleaning myself up, he seemed kind of happy to have released himself though. But me, I was sad, confused and all I wanted to do was go.

After the incident I didn’t know what to do honestly so many thoughts filled my head. Who can I talk to? Where can I go? I went to a close friend’s house and didn’t’ say anything for a while I sat trying to pretend everything was okay. But, he could see on my face that something was bothering me. Apparently, my mouth does this twitchy thing when I’m troubled. So, I went to my notepad in my phone and wrote out what had happened, because I couldn’t say it. We sat there crying together his more fueled by rage and not being able to defend me. The only thing I kept repeating was ” I told him no, and he didn’t listen.” He asked if he knew what he actually did, my answer was I don’t know. I learned later that week that he knew something was off. In a conversation via text he said that during intercourse he could feel that I was tighter than usual and I wasn’t as aroused, he could feel the difference. He also said, he could see on my face that something was wrong and when I sat in the chair I sat down as if it were a chore that I had just completed, but he didn’t say anything. He waited for me to. come to him and even then I don’t think he grasped the seriousness of that incident. From that day on I have been distant with him and we don’t or haven’t really discussed what went on. The thing that bothered me the most after the incident is that I still loved this person who took advantage of me. I wanted to be able to instantly stop loving him, I wanted to hate him but I couldn’t. That night He took away my power, and most importantly he didn’t listen when I said no and No was reiterated more than once. I said no along with his name and that didn’t work. I fought with him to keep my clothes up and that didn’t work. That moment took me back to my childhood. I sunk that night, I waited for it to be over, waited to go home. That night I held back tears.I try not to let to those incidents linger in my mind but the truth is they will. Saying No, didn’t save me and I repeated it over and over. In 2016, the total number of rape cases stood at about 96,000. Of those 96,000 how many of them do you think said no? Think about it, if someone is trying to take something you say no. 96,000 people’s voice didn’t stop them from being victims. No, won’t save everyone from being taken advantage of, Saying No alone won’t prevent rapes, Saying No just won’t cut it.

Yes means Yes is basically a firm form of consent to sex. This is similar to No means No but is better to me to a certain extent. Yet, ultimately I still believe it isn’t effective enough. This is a great campaign in college as students are known to drink, and party. This gives you the option to say yes I want to have sex with you, which is fine. But my question is what happens if you change your mind? If you give full consent in the beginning but you change your mind half way through what happens? We have seen that the word No isn’t firm enough to make everyone less horny or less aggressive, so what do you do? There’s alcohol in play and you have already consented to sex, you then chang your mind and say no. Some people will stop. But, that guy or that girl who has alcohol in their system, They’ve been partying, they’re aroused and ready at your go ahead. So, you tell them no stop, but they’ve been drinking and become aggressive. What do you do? Everyone changes their mind about something at some point so what do you do when you already said yes and now you mean No?

Sex isn’t a complicated matter. I believe a No should be firm enough to mean No. But, As a society what do we do when it isn’t. I have told you my story. In 2016, just 2 years ago 96,000 people had 1 just like mine. We said no and no one listened. No means No was a great start but, it won’t end rape. Neither will Yes means Yes because we are consenting to have intercourse and even if we change our mind that doesn’t guarantee the person will stop. If you ask me, you’re consenting to your own rape. Maybe I am wrong. But, 1 thing I know for sure is that Words alone won’t stop rape. Words alone don’t stop a thief from stealing out of a store, so how can we expect a rapist; someone who is driven by sex mentally and physically to Stop when we say No?

Breaking The Silence, Letters From A Pedophile, Wake up

Letter from A pedophile pt. 2

Jade,
Was up girl how are you doing why have you not wrote me a letter back. I hope we can be family again never be afraid to ask me anything. I’m here for you.just send me your number so I can call you, you have been on my mind now so tell me the real how are you for real. Tell me you’re a strong black woman. How is our relationship going to be. Now i intend to be the best so can i have a chance at making you happy for once in life. I have a lot of things to tell u. I was so in love with you girl was i wrong for loving you so much? Please hit me back. I know its things on your mind. Just like it’s on my mind. I want to start my day knowing we are ok and getting our goals out the way. But i understand if you hate me, i don’t want you to hate me if you do. When i come home i need you by my side because at the end of the day we are family and i need your support too, not money i have that but love i promise to never hurt you again but i feel sorry for the nigga who try to. How old are you now? and can you send me your birthday so i can keep up with it. My only concern is getting right with Allah and you so teach me the way. And don’t be stubborn. I always loved you and i cant lose you my heart is yours jade. love you

Love always tevrous bomer
Write me back

This letter was the second letter I received from him and I had not even replied to the first letter. Looking in the mail I honestly didn’t want to read it but curiosity got the best of me. I thought, I didn’t reply to him so what is he writing me about. Not even a month after the first letter he had sent this one. He didn’t send it himself though another inmate sent it off for him. I know because the name and number on the outside of the envelope weren’t his own. I opened the letter and read the first few sentences and a rage grew over me. How dare him, I thought. He doesn’t even know me or anything about me.I began to go over in my head the things I wanted to say to him. I am a very strong Black Woman but, him saying it irritated every nerve that I have. To me it was something he shouldn’t say because he hurt me. Reading the first letter I was like okay this may not be so bad, but this letter made me want to give up. He said that he was in love with me. Me?, A 5-year-old child at the time. We are 9 years apart, how? I tried to comprehend the way he thought. Tried to understand but I can’t.

This letter was the eye opener for me. This letter helped me realize that I wanted to study Psychology and become a victim advocate. I say this was the determining factor for me to choose psychology over social work because this letter was written by someone who thinks of me as someone I am not. He wrote to me as if we are in love. Not as if he had hurt me. That made me feel sorry for him because I realized he would never understand how wrong that is. The way that he thinks isn’t normal, it’s far from it. It’s a sad reality.

Everyone that I let read this letter was angry or sad. My older brother just kept apologizing to me as if it were his fault. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me, that doesn’t change a thing. I want people to realize how they feel when they read the letters doesn’t compare to the emotions it causes me. I want people to understand how serious this is. I want people to read these letters or hear my story and want to make a difference. Don’t just say you’re sorry try to save someone else from being abused, change their lives. I have been through this, don’t let anyone else.

My response to this letter was bunt and straight forward. I told him we aren’t friends, we aren’t family and I don’t want to be. I believe he got the message because his third letter was different from this one. I hope he got the message. This letter wasn’t cool at all, it crossed boundaries. It bothered me a lot. The thing that bothered me the most was that he doesn’t even realize how this letter impacted me and probably never will. I wish he could… because certain parts of this letter will forever stick with me. It’ll stick with me as a reminder that I need to go harder than ever and also that I don’t need to give up. This letter was really an eye opener and truth is I still don’t completely know how I should feel about it. As stated before no one can prepare you for talking to your abuser. Unless you are a victim then I believe no one can completely grasp how it feels. I want people to be able to understand but not at the cost of losing a piece of who they are. This is my letter from a pedophile, my first pedophile, my cousin, my family. Within 2 letters I was able to see him for who he was and how he thought. So, my question is why can’t society see a pedophile for what they truly are and treat them as such? I believe in second chances but not when someone else’s life is unwillingly affected by your actions. There are consequences to actions and I believe My abuser and the many other’s that are out there should not be free. Tevrous has been in prison since 2009 and yet in writing a letter to me he’s still comfortable enough to express how he was in love with 5-year-old me. If you ask me ,they don’t change…… They only get better at not getting caught.

Breaking The Silence, Letters From A Pedophile

Letter from a Pedophile

Jade,
How are you doing? I know its been a long time. I just got your letter today I know I fucked up but I hope you can forgive me for the pain I put you through. Yes I will love it if you came and see me I put your name on the list but you have to fill out the application and send it to me. Let me say this I will always have love for you, my mind is so fucked up right now. But tell me about you and how things are good. You are right never in a million years girl but I know Allah works in ways we don’t know. I’m happy to write you talk to you I’m alone send me your number too so i call you. And u set up an account on http://www.jpay.com. we can write like that too and you can send me pictures too, we cant get real pics. I will not lie I need you in my life to help me accomplish my goals in life. I’m not going to lie I cried thinking back. How is Catdaddy and Moe doing? I’m grateful just to have you back in my life. I feel like I betrayed everyone that I loved and who loved me.

P.s. you P.s. u know I’m locked up in Michigan and our visitation days are Thursday and Saturday 830-130

Love always
Tervrous Bomer

That was the first letter I received from Tevrous. December 17 I went to pick up my mail and saw that he had replied to me. I was hesitant to open it, when I saw that he had even replied, I cried. Him replying to me made this process real. My brother was the first person that I told. I messaged my brother like hey, he replied to me! He was just as shocked as me. In reality no one expected a response from him. After reading the contents of the letter for a while I just sat there to myself crying. I was crying because I didn’t believe I was strong enough to reach out to him. For so long confronting him was a fear of mine. His response to my letter let me know I had over came that fear and that I could now do anything. My past is where most of my obstacles strive from and this moment it’s like I looked my past in the face and kicked it’s ass! This letter brought so many emotions out of me ones I hadn’t felt in a long time. I didn’t know how to respond to his letter and I didn’t for weeks. I sat and pondered well what do I say to this, how do I approach this situation. No one prepares you for communicating with your abuser. Once I read his letter I try not to read it over and over again because, it’ll only upset me. Eventually I did reply to him, it was short and simple. I knew once I started this process I would not stop until I feel I accomplished what I initially set out to do, Win!

Breaking The Silence, Letters From A Pedophile, Wake up

The conclusion

Beginning my journey of reaching out to my first attacker I was unsure how things would go and if I actually wanted to do it. I usually go to my older brother when I need to talk because I know he’s blunt and will tell me the truth. He told me that he was proud of me for confronting Tevrous but I needed to prepare myself for everything, me reaching out could go many ways and I could end up not getting what I wanted. Initially I wrote my attacker because I wanted to visit and tell him off for hurting me, I needed him to add me to his visitation. I wanted him to see me, see the pain I feel, and I wanted to tell him that I forgive him to his face so that I could be done with all of this. So, I reached out to him via letter and since November 2017 I have learned so much more about myself. After writing back and forth with my abuser, I have come to 3 conclusions.

The first conclusion is that he can’t change. I will be posting the letters’ that he has written to me and some of the things he says is like whoa. The first 2 letters are the ones that really made me feel some type of way. The second letter in general is what made me wish I hadn’t reached out in the first place. After he wrote me back the first time, I didn’t know how to respond so for a while I didn’t. In the process of thinking and waiting I received a second letter from him asking why I hadn’t responded yet. Truthfully, I never anticipated a response from him. I was expecting to not hear from him at all. Before sending off my first letter I had it in my head that he wasn’t even going to reply to me, I think because if I were in his position that’s what I would have done. I would be too ashamed to reply, but that’s the difference between he and I because he’s been very persistent in writing me. I say he can’t change because in the letters you will see his overly expressive affection for me. He wrote to me as if I were his wife or girlfriend not his cousin or the girl whose innocence he stripped away

The second is that I no longer needed to go visit. After reading his letters I know me going to see him would be just a win for him. He feels he has me back in his life, and I believe he thinks of me as his girlfriend or lover. It’s bad enough he’s comfortable enough writing me the things that he has. I don’t need to go meet him face to face so that he knows what I look like. He actually asked me for a picture in his letter. Wanted to know what I looked like now, of course that request was shot down. But, me sending him a letter brought many emotions for him all of which he didn’t mind sharing in his letters. He’s overly eager to take care of me, see me and make sure no one else hurts me. Mentally I don’t believe he understands how I feel or think about him. To him what he did is long gone and we are supposed to communicate like nothing ever happened. After his second letter I decided I would no longer be visiting but I would keep writing him because I wanted answers from him and was hoping for a meaningful apology. Let’s just say I realized I won’t be getting that either.

Lastly, Reaching out to my abuser helped me realize what I wanted to be in life. It’s crazy it took for me to talk to the guy who hurt me for me to be like boom! This is what i want to do and this is who I want to be. I juggled for a while with what i wanted to go to school for; social work or psychology. The deadline to enroll for school was approaching and after talking with him I decided on a major in psychology with a minor in criminal justice. Psychology is defined as “the scientific study of the human mind and its functions, especially those affecting behavior in a given context.” I am already a very observant person, so I feel I would be great at this. I love learning about people and reading people. I specifically want to be a victim advocate. I enjoy helping people and I know victims don’t always have anyone they can go to but, I want to change that. I guess in a way communicating with him helped me remove the cloud in my head and I became able to think clearer. I have since enrolled in school and have began to develop the idea of getting young girls together on weekends and taking them on trips. I have been in the position of being abused and not feeling like I can tell everyone. So, I want to create a safe place for girls where they can escape whatever they are facing and can talk freely without feeling like they have no one. I want girls and boys to grow up better than I did, no one should experience being abused. Everyone should be able to go somewhere where they feel free and can be themselves. The children are our future leaders, They will be our future voice so, we should treat them as such.

Overall I am split in the middle; between this was a good idea and I shouldn’t have done this. I am proud of myself because I did what I said I would do. Never in a million years did I think I would actually write him and he would actually respond, but I did and he replied. I definitely wasn’t prepared for his letters. I don’t think anything could have prepared me for that. Not knowing what he will say or how he will respond is probably the hardest part in this. None of his letters have given me anything I have wanted verbally from him. But, they have made me want to go harder. Every letter I have received I have cried and talked to my brother about. In every one of his letters he says something that irritates me more than anything. After every letter my mind goes to the same place, this has to be stopped. I think no child or adult should ever have to go through this. I begin brainstorming and to myself I always say my children will not go through what I went through. For so long I feared having children and wanting children because I have been afraid that they would go through what I went through. Family hurt me, and I can’t protect them from everyone, that’s been my thought process. But, after his letters I am no longer fearful for my future children because I know in my heart I will one day Break The Silence and Break The Cycle. That’s truthfully the reason I started my blog. Victims need to be heard and Abusers need to be prosecuted.

The world has become filled with too many victims and it’s sickening. Children should never know what it means to be molested, Never. Yet, too many do and that really hurts me more than anything. After communicating with the man who molested me beginning at 5 years old, after reading and feeling him not being remorseful I need there to be a change. I can’t change the things that happened to me but I can make sure it doesn’t happen to anyone else. My letters are proof that a pedophile can’t change or feel. Tevrous is scheduled for parole in 2022. That is a few years away but I’m not ready. The fact that I could walk into the grocery store and he be there is something I don’t believe I will ever be ready for. Honestly, I do believe he will hurt someone again I pray he doesn’t but I am not his first victim, nor was I his last. Reading his letters made things so real for me. Made me realize how strong I am now and also how weak I had been. I gained insight to myself that I may have never seen if I hadn’t reached out to him. It helped me realize hat he won’t change not to hold my breath. Also helped me realize I need to go harder so that I could make a difference. I know it won’t be easy but it will definitely be worth the effort. Going forward any letter I receive I will be posting it to my blog and writing how I reacted and feel reading it. Some are painful to read and others aren’t. I know one thing for sure no matter how painful it may be, I won’t let him win. He doesn’t deserve to. Have any of you ever reached out to your abuser? If so how did it turn out?

Breaking The Silence

The Repeat Betrayal

In September of 2011, My birthday was only a month away I would be turning 16 on Halloween. My mother was away at work. My younger brother was outside at the park which left My stepfather (Drico )and me alone. He told me he wanted to talk with me and it had to stay between us. ” I want to give you head for your birthday”. I froze and stared at him. “Can I give you head for your birthday, I would rather you learn from me than anyone else.” I said no. “If it were any of those little boys you wouldn’t tell them no, would you?”, he said. “I want to be your first.”Aside from his abuse in power I learned that he too would betray me. Men supposed to love and protect me betrayed me. After an abusive childhood of molestation, Aldrick was supposed to be different but he wasn’t.

Earlier that year I had acted out searching for attention in a home where I wasn’t getting any. I met a friend online and began finding solace in him. It started off as something innocent, and soon turned into something more. At the time I was a virgin and had never had a boyfriend. At home I was alone, I felt alone. This guy was like me we talked about our issues and I thought I loved him. We eventually began exchanging pictures. At one point Aldrick went through my phone and found them. So as expected my phone was taken away and I was grounded. That didn’t bother me what happened afterwards did. Aldrick called a cop friend and had any pictures sent to  his email. He then saved them to his computer and later printed them off and saved them in a folder in his suitcase. I am unsure why he kept them as I’m supposed to be like his daughter. But, in  2015 I  did get hold to ones I had found  and burned them in my backyard.

Aldrick began printing the pictures off and using them as blackmail at one point. The doorbell rang, one of my brothers friends handed me a paper grinning “this is for you”. I opened up the paper to find a picture with a note that read ” I will tell everyone if you don’t meet me at the mat” I read it and placed it into my top drawer and went off to school paranoid. When I returned home Aldrick had my mother go into my room to get the note I received. Which helped me know it was him. Aldrick’s next trick was to tell my father. He sent the pictures to him through text.

After all of his mind tricks  Drico had put me through he ended up having  one more  major one  up his sleeve. I was asked to stay home from school 1 day so I did. I was told I would be put on birth control. My mother went off to work, which left me and him alone. Aldrick called me into the living room where I was made to sit and watch porn for hours. If I tried to leave the room he would push me back into the living room and hold me still. After his videos went off he asked me to get naked in front of him or he would post pictures all over my Facebook account. I said no, because I knew he could never get my password. He had been drinking that day, and everywhere I went he would follow me.”Let me see”. He cornered me into my room pushing against me until I fell on the bed. He laid on me with beer on his breath breathing down my neck. He held down my arms and pulled down my pants. He rubbed his hands across my pubic area and then looked at me. He said, ” If I wanted to I could take it, you know that”, ” and Don’t try running to your brother or your mama I told them I was doing this today”. He then looked at me smiled and walked out the room. I spent most of that day locked  in my room going over what had happened and almost did again..

Fast forward to September 2011 when he asked me to be his first. A few days prior we went to the park where he asked if I was still a virgin, which I was. He asked if I felt I was ready to lose my virginity, I told him I didn’t know. At the time The day he asked me to lose my virginity to him, he was so sure I was going to say yes. He smiled as he asked if he could be my first. When I told him no he began to get frustrated as if he didn’t comprehend why I was telling him no. After he’d calm down  he asked me to think about it, trying to be persuasive saying things like “I won’t hurt you, I love you” and ” I’ll go slow”.  As it grew time for my mother to come home he told me that we never had that conversation and I couldn’t tell anyone especially my mother. I tried avoiding my mother most of that day. I avoided her cause in my mind I was contemplating how I was going to tell her that the man she loved was a predator. So I  went outside to the park where I called my older brother. He is who I usually run to when I have a troubled mind. But thus day  I was scared half to death to talk to him. I  eventually told him what Drico had asked me. He said, I needed to tell my mother. Hesitant and scared of the results, I told her what he had requested from me.

While Aldrick was in the restroom I told my mother what he had asked. She cried and made me repeat myself. She banged on the restroom door and asked what he had told me. “Huh”, “what you talking bout?” He tried to stay in the restroom as long as he could. “Shes lying”, he exclaimed as he came out the restroom. “It was just a joke”, he said. My mother furious kicked him out the house. He looked at me and said, ” I don’t know why you told her that, you know that’s going to hurt her”. He then left with a packed bag.

” You can bring a horse to water but can’t make them drink”.  During that time I expected my mother to call the police start investigations,but she didn’t. Instead she let him come back. After the day that he returned I just tried to keep my distance. Love can make you do some strange things and I know my mother was blinded by love. I used to blame her for the things that he did, but it isn’t her fault. I always ask her 1 question though, ” Why” “Why did you bring him back?” She has never been able to answer that for me. Honestly, she doesn’t need to. I know that my mother feels for the things that occurred due to him. I answered things for myself a while ago; hope. The belief that the guy she loved wasn’t this evil man she had grown with. She wanted to remember him  the way he was when she met him, not as the man who tried to have sex with her 15-year-old daughter. When blinded by love people can tell you about all the negative but until you’re ready to see it for yourself it will never affect the way that  you view  someone or something.

Aside from me asking my mother why, we never really discussed it anymore. Sexual abuse in the Black community is something that occurs so often. Yet, when brought up the accusations are not discussed and rarely reported. It is more so frowned upon to discuss incest, molestation or abuse in the family. Black families; like my family would rather things such as these be forgotten or no longer spoken on. Secrets locked away to be forgotten. I am here to say these people, These stories, and these moments should not be forgotten. These stories being “forgotten” allows the predator to win, and be free. It allows them to do the same thing to someone else. They don’t deserve that. The victims don’t either. So, to abuse victims/survivors make them listen, open those locked closets and let out those secrets. Secrets like these aren’t meant to be kept. Telling could save someone else from being harmed as well. It’s time to make a change and   Break The Silence people!!!

Breaking The Silence, Wake up

Twice Betrayed

In 2003 my mother and two brothers(Moe and Jarrett) and I had decided to make the move to Arizona to live with my grandfather. Before leaving the state we sold all of our things and momentarily stayed with a uncle. In the weeks prior to us leaving I didn’t see my first predator anymore but I was confronted with my second. Of the 3 predators I have ever encountered this 1 I never brought up, so here we go…..

The 4 of us lived in the home with 5 other people ( My Great uncle, His wife and their 3 children. This home was the designated home for family gatherings, party’s really everything took place at this home. I can say most of my memories were here. Of all of the good memories there is only one bad and that one sticks with me the most. We expect people to be different, we expect to always be safe but sometimes no matter the circumstances we aren’t.

Unsure of the reason but one night my older brother 2 cousins and I had to share a bed for the night. That night everything started off normal, we all played games as we normally would. We ate dinner and cleaned the kitchen. Then all took our showers and went to bed.

As I have stated before I don’t ever completely sleep throughout the night. This particular night wasn’t any different either. I had been sleeping and awoke to something oh so familiar. It was the familiar unwanted touch but it was by someone new. Another person I trusted my male cousin Randall. After he finished penetrating me and giving me oral he went to the restroom, then returned back to bed and went to sleep. I rolled over in bed and cried myself to sleep yet again. All I could think was it was happening again. This time in a home full of people, in a bed full of people yet again no one knew.

After falling asleep I’m unsure if he did it again or not but when we all awoke my pants and underwear were down. After all of us children awoke we sat around everyone asking why my clothing was that way. My eldest brother especially, I recall him asking why and who did it. My cousin sat around but never said a word. Things were different that day. I saw everyone different that day. I was ready to move away.

Looking back his actions don’t surprise me he had signs. Whenever us children were left alone he often snuck porn tapes out of his parents room to watch. He tried to get us to watch but wasn’t something we were in to. And most prominent was the day he chased us around the home naked. He had on a condom and chased us kids around the house. Looking back I know something could have been done. He showed signs but as children we didn’t know.

I was 7 at the time, he was 5 or 6 years older than me. Another member who became family by marriage. Another male who turned out to be a predator. Looking back I resent not speaking up that day. I knew who had to be the cause of the clothing that wasn’t on me as it should have been. This was my encounter with my 2nd family predator as if 1 wasn’t enough. From that day forward we never discussed what went on. He never tried to do it again, but that 1 time changed my perception of him. I often think back and wonder who else fell victim to him? Also was I his only victim? Those among numerous other questions crowd my mind at times. Yet, I guess I may never know……

Breaking The Silence, Wake up

Living with the enemy

“Mans worst fear is being found out”. A quote my step-father recited regularly as if his life depended on it. I guess we are going to see if that is true, is mans worst fear being found out? I guess we will find out now because, Aldrick Kyles(Drico) this post is about you. 2009 my mother introduced us to Drico as they began dating. I was hesitant at first, as stated before I’m good with figuring out who to distance myself from. Eventually he won me over, me and my two brothers. He seemed the perfect “father figure.” My mother was happy and so were all of us. We as a family decided to move back to Arizona. Drico moving along with us, him and his 2 dogs. Aldrick started off as a sweet guy but he was nice until we moved. My siblings and I soon learned he liked control.

After moving back to Arizona my family and I moved into a 2 story home in Avondale. I was in 8th grade at the time. It was the middle of summer and our air conditioning had went out, Drico spent the summer complaining. I being a young lady had started my cycle during this time and disposed of my items in a bag, that went out side. As I was taking my trash outside one-day he stopped me ripped the bag from my hand and opened it up. He then cussed me because he wanted to see what I had. He told my mother that he shouldn’t have seen that and I’ll have to figure out another way. This was only the beginning of his petty moments.

My siblings and I had a ritual of washing dishes on a set schedule. My family cooked, one night and it was my night to do the dishes. I washed all the dishes except 1, it was a pan that I left to soak. Later that night Drico came home in a rage and that night he decided to take it out on me. He came yelling saying that I needed to wash that dish and I explained to him that the food wasn’t coming up and I was leaving it to soak. Any other night we would leave dishes to soak but for some reason this night it wasn’t right. He went upstairs yelling at my mother before leaving out the house his last words were “If I leave its going to be your fault”. All over 1 dish left in the sink to soak, I don’t think so. Looking back I believe that was a test of his power to see how much power he held not over me or my siblings, but my mother. I say that because not to soon after he had left she called me into her room and asked if I wanted him to leave. I just stared at her. She then repeated the same thing he had earlier; ” If he leaves, it will be your fault”.After returning home and calming down he told me I didn’t deserve to sleep in my room. So, I gathered my cover and went to our game room and laid on the couch. He then told me I can’t sleep on his furniture or use his cover. So, I was left to sleep on the floor in an unfurnished bedroom, with no cover or pillows. For a month I did this until he felt I deserved to share my bed with my little brother. That I had earned it. This was only touching surface at what Aldrick would do. We later moved to a different home this year.

In 2010 I was beginning high school. Summer of 2010 Aldrick made a wager with me and my siblings, in order for us to all get new shoes for school we would have to do something he wanted us to do. I hate tea, it makes me sick. In order to get my 2 pair of shoes I would have to drink a glass of tea. My younger brother doesn’t eat any form of condiments on anything. In order to get shoes for school he would have to eat a tuna fish sandwich. And my older brother was made to run around the block in the nude. Humor for Drico really. We got 2 pair of shoes, ones we had no say so over. Driko picked out which shoes we could have. October of 2010 my older brother went to the Army which left me, my younger brother, mother and Aldrick. By march of 2011 my dogs had made puppies, 3 survived; white girl, Cocoa and Phoenix. Puppies were being puppies one day running around the house playing. Aldrick frustrated with this grabbed Phoenix and slung him against the wall breaking his leg. As he whined, we tried to go to help him he told us not to touch him. For hours he wined, the puppies were eventually given away to neighbors and the pound.

At this time Aldrick had begun going down a mentally abusive path. My 10-year-old brother was told on a daily basis that he was stupid. Like cats and dogs they would argue everyday until my mother intervened. In summer of 2011 my grandmother had gotten sick and my younger brother flew down to be with my dad during this time. I was volunteering at a doctor’s office so was unable to go. It was June 2011 when my mother and Aldrick had gotten into an argument. Aldrick grew a rage and began trashing the house breaking everything insight. Blood dripped from his hands as he busted glass and broke TV’s and tables. If you had walked into the home it looked like a murder scene. My mother and I sat watching as he paced back and forth holding his hand like a little child. My mother and I grabbed Gator and we left and went to the park. This was the first of many episodes we would witness from Aldrick.

Summer of 2011 my grandmother passed away and I spent the summer in Tennessee with my father. After my brother and I returned to Arizona it was as if Aldrick had turned a new leaf. He was a new man, but only when my mother was around. I don’t believe he wanted children. He had begun turning off the hot water whenever we went to shower. We were timed only 5 minute showers. He turned the hot water back on when he or my mother were showering though. Whenever my older brother came home he would sneak outside and cut the hot water on for my brother and I. We had to sneak to shower in our own home. It seemed Driko would only get worse.

One night Aldrick and my mother had an altercation and he was outraged again. She asked if he had taken his medicine. This night my younger brother would see the uglier side of him that I saw earlier that summer. This night Aldrick began yelling at the top of his lungs. He stayed up yelling until 3am ; just yelling. He paced back and forth breaking things from room to room. My mother, Brother and I locked ourselves in my brother’s bedroom. He had a bunk bed. I took the top bunk while they shared the bottom. Aldrick came banging on the door threatening to kill us, saying that he would kill us. ” I’m going to kill you with a string”. We stayed up all night long listening as he exclaimed that he didn’t need us and wanted us dead. That night was one of the scariest nights of my life because I know he meant every thing he said. He was serious. This night my brother and I decided we wanted to move away. That was not the last time that year that we were tested by this man.

Aldrick was a kind man, until he wasn’t. Aldrick was mentally abusive and unsafe to live with. I have several stories to tell involving him and I want people to know him for who he truly is. This is only a glimpse of the hell we endured under the roof with him. It may be bombshells to some but everyone isn’t who they seem to be. I tell these small stories to shine light on Domestic Violence. Many families suffer from Domestic violence and abuse daily yet for fear it isn’t spoken on. I had several moments where I should have spoken on the things that were happening in my home but I was scared of consequences. The consequences not for me but for my family. I never told anyone and as a result for years we endeared life under the rule of Aldrick. Abuse whether physical or mental is something that affects everyone. There are many People out there like Aldrick and they need to be stopped! All forms of abuse needs to be stopped.

Break The Silence!!!

( The featured image is the 1 image I have from the first night Aldrick wrecked our home).

Breaking The Silence

Searching for Closure

In my 22 years of life, I could never figure out why I felt the way I did. Why in what should have been my happiest moments were the exact opposite. Day in and out I have fought with the inability to feel or share like I’d wish to. I have wondered why every new memory still came with a reminder of the past. I’ve merely tried to avoid new memories, thoughts and people to suppress the pain of just remembering. I have ran from confrontation, avoided any uncomfortable situation and tried to remain under the radar for as long as possible. But, I have realized that wasn’t the answer! That was never the answer. Running doesn’t solve your problems, and definitely doesn’t make them go away. So, I decided to face my problems head on; Get answers, Get Closure,and Gain peace of mind. ‘You are strong enough to face it all, Even if it doesn’t feel like it right now”

From what I am able to recall at the age of 5 I began being molested by a cousin; Tevrous Bomer. This continued up until the age of 8 when my family and I relocated to Arizona in 2004. During the time of this abuse I never tried to tell anyone, because as a child you believe you will be faced with consequences because to you its your fault. There is one occurrence that sticks with me the most because, looking back I know I was very strong. Being so young I know there was nothing I could have done,and that he definitely wasn’t going to stop on his own.Through it all I know I was strong.

82 Dairy street was our home at the time. On this day Tevrous was left to watch My siblings, my cousins, and I. I’m unsure where our parents were but, I know Tevrous was the one left in charge since he was the eldest. The day started off ordinary without any issues,us kids watched television and played outside. It was like any normal day, until it wasn’t. It was when I was running around with my cousins that I was grabbed and placed in a room for him to return to when everyone else had returned out doors. During this moment I remember just crying, balling my eyes out until I had an idea (Not Today). I ran to my bedroom and I locked the door. I then turned my radio all the way up.I could hear him banging on the door to get in, and yelling for me to open it. I sat there with my chair facing the door, I held onto one of my teddy bears and cried praying today would not be the day.For so long it seemed as if I had won, he wouldn’t get what he wanted. I began to hear the others voices, as I turned down the music. He began to try and use my siblings so that he could get what he wanted having them to ask me to open the door. As the tears strolled down my eyes I shook my head yelled NO and I turned my music back up. For a while I held my own, I was alone in a home full of people. No one knew my reason for locking myself in my room except him, and he wasn’t letting that stop him. He used a knife to unlock my door, turned down my music and he just stared at me. He stared at me with a different look on his face, a confused look and then walked away.That Day I won. That night he didn’t touch me. I am unsure if it is because he feared that I would tell or if he felt remorse. Either way that day I won because, I was strong.

At the age of 22 I have so many obstacles in my way all relating back to my molestation. Growing up I figured if I tried to forget it would all just go away. I know now that suppressing all these memories has done nothing but hinder my progress. November 2017 I reached out to my abuser whom is now in prison. I searched for him for weeks, gathering All the information that I could. I then sent him a letter hoping to gain some closure, and some answers. It took me 17 years to speak openly on my abuse, and to face my abuser. Just reaching out and writing that letter helped me feel better, as if a weight was lifted off of me. For so long I didn’t speak on things, Now that all that I want to do. I hope that me sharing My life, My stories, and My obstacles will help others speak freely on theirs.I want to Break the Silence!